Killer Whales crypto reality show launches about two years too late

Promotional image for Killer Whales showing a group of judges standing behind the logoKiller Whales promo image (attribution)
Maybe they'd sunk too much money into producing Killer Whales to back out, or maybe its creators actually think that a Shark Tank-style crypto reality TV series is what it will take to return crypto to its former glory. A crypto-boosting show judged by crypto industry hustlers like Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci and shady operator Mario Nawfal has just published trailers for its scheduled January 2024 debut.

The trailer for the show features a duo pitching "Ape Water": Bored Ape-branded canned water that sells for $2.80/can. "We want to reimagine water... When you scan the can, that's when crypto and web3 is unlocked," says the booster. Revolutionary.

Even crypto Twitter seemed less than enthused, with one person writing that the show was "like Shark Tank, but cringe". Another wrote, "Just take a peep at the panel of judges it's full of crypto grifters and scammers".

Ethereum bungles "Holesky" testnet launch

Ethereum prepared to launch a new test network, called "Holesky", which was supposed to be massive compared to the mainnet in order to work on scaling problems. The launch was supposed to coincide with Ethereum's September 2022 "Merge", in which the network finally pulled off the long-awaited switch from proof of work to proof of stake.

However, the Holesky launch was a failure when developers misconfigured the network, causing it to fail to initiate. Developers announced they would try to relaunch the project a week after its intended go-live date. At least it was just a testnet.

Nouns DAO fractures in $27 million split

A pixel art illustration of a figure with a white teacup for a head, wearing boxy pink sunglasses and a green sweaterNoun #848 (attribution)
Nouns DAO, one of the most prominent Ethereum DAOs, has split into two projects after holders of around 56% of the Nouns NFTs in circulation voted to "ragequit". This means that they have forked into a new DAO, taking 16,757 ETH (~$27.3 million) of the original DAO's treasury with them.

Nouns NFTs have been popular since the project's launch in 2021, and in mid-2022 enjoyed a floor price of over 100 ETH (then over $150,000). Now they tend to sell for around 35 ETH (~$57,000). The DAO has used its substantial treasury to fund a wide range of projects, from creating Nouns short films, to distributing eyeglasses to kids, to partnering with Bud Light for a Super Bowl commercial in 2022.

Now, however, more than half of the project has opted to leave, with some leavers citing flawed decisionmaking and lack of leadership. As for the new fork, some Nouns owners may choose to "ragequit" — that is, forfeit their NFT and cash out their portion of the treasury (around 35.5 ETH, or $57,850, apiece). Some arbitrageurs have been buying Noun NFTs for months, hoping to use this ragequit functionality to profit.

NFL quarterback Trevor Lawrence, others settle FTX class action claims

Collage of photos of Trevor Lawrence, Kevin Paffrath, and Tom NashTrevor Lawrence, Kevin Paffrath, and Tom Nash (attribution)
Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Trevor Lawrence has agreed to settle claims against him made in a class action lawsuit by FTX customers who say his endorsement of the fallen crypto exchange contributed their decision to use it. Also settling are finance YouTuber and crypto shills Kevin Paffrath and Tom Nash. The terms of the settlements were not disclosed.

Lawrence, Paffrath, and Nash are far from the only people facing class actions over their endorsements of FTX. Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen, Steph Curry, Shaquille O'Neal, Larry David, are also facing lawsuits over their activities in promoting the firm.

Remitano hacked for $2.7 million

Crypto exchange Remitano suffered a hack in which $2.7 million in Tether (USDT), USDC, and Ankr was drained from the exchange's hot wallets across three blockchains. Luckily for them, Tether was able to freeze $1.9 million of the stolen funds, substantially reducing the attacker's profits.

Remitano acknowledged the hack, writing that they had suffered a "data breach from a third-party source". They have claimed that users' assets will not be affected by the theft.

Remitano is a peer-to-peer crypto exchange focused on emerging markets, including Nigeria, Pakistan, Venezuela, and Malaysia.

Crypto booster Mark Cuban hacked for $870,000

Mark CubanMark Cuban (attribution)
Billionaire crypto evangelist Mark Cuban apparently fell victim to a hack when an attacker was able to siphon around $870,000 in multiple cryptocurrencies from a wallet belonging to him. Cuban later acknowledged the hack to DL News. "They must have been watching," he said, explaining that "I'm pretty sure I downloaded a version of MetaMask with some shit in it".

This isn't the first time Cuban has been burned by the crypto industry. In June 2021, he lost "enough that I wasn't happy about it" in the collapse of the Titan stablecoin. Cuban is also a defendant in a class action lawsuit related to his endorsement of Voyager, a crypto broker that collapsed in July 2022.

Genesis closes trading entirely

After announcing on September 5 that Genesis would be closing their U.S. spot trading business in a "decision ... made voluntarily and for business reasons", Genesis has now announced that they will be closing all trading. They again write that "This decision was made voluntarily and for business reasons" - the kind of statement that gets less believable the more they repeat it.

Although Genesis Global Capital filed for bankruptcy in January 2023, portions of its business were excluded from the bankruptcy and continued to operate.

SEC charges Mila Kunis-backed Stoner Cats NFT project

An illustrated beige cat, with eyes pointed in opposite directions, wearing a yellow rain hat on a rainy day. It's holding a roll of $100 bills in one hand and a baggie of marijuana in the otherStoner Cat #7605 (attribution)
In a rather amusing press release, the SEC announced they had charged "Stoner Cats 2 LLC" with conducting an unregistered securities offering when they raised $8.2 million selling NFTs that were intended to finance an animated web series called Stoner Cats.

The series was developed by Mila Kunis and her production company, and she, Ashton Kutcher, and Chris Rock all performed in the show, which ultimately aired six episodes accessible only to those who hold the NFTs. The premise, according to the SEC, is "house cats that become sentient after being exposed to their owner's medical marijuana".

The SEC determined that the project had marketed the NFTs as an investment in a web series enterprise, and had therefore violated securities laws by not registering with the SEC. Stoner Cats 2 LLC agreed to a cease-and-desist order, and will pay a $1 millon penalty.

OneCoin cofounder gets 20 years in prison

Ruja Ignatova and Karl Sebastian Greenwood photographed in front of a OneCoin branded backdropRuja Ignatova and Karl Sebastian Greenwood (attribution)
Karl Sebastian Greenwood, co-founder of the notorious OneCoin ponzi scheme, was sentenced to 20 years in prison after pleading guilty to fraud and money laundering charges. He will also forfeit $300 million, much of which he spent on real estate, luxury vacations, and a yacht.

OneCoin operated out of Bulgaria, and was founded by Greenwood and "Cryptoqueen" Ruja Ignatova, the latter of whom has been on Europol's most wanted list since May 2022. The fraud amounted to around $4 billion and affected at least 3.5 million victims.

Binance.US CEO Brian Shroder bails as the company cuts 1/3 of its employees

Brian Shroder, wearing a Binance shirt under a suit coatBrian Shroder (attribution)
Brian Shroder, the CEO of Binance's US entity, has left the crypto exchange as it faces an existential lawsuit from the U.S. SEC. Shroder is only the latest exec to leave Binance and its various regional arms in what is becoming a mass exodus in recent months. The company has also lost its general counsel, chief strategy officer, head of investigations, a senior VP of compliance, and two leaders of Binance's Russian arm.

Simultaneously, Binance.US announced it would be cutting 1/3 of its employees, or more than 100 people. This is the second staffing cut since the SEC lawsuit was filed in June — Binance.US cut around 50 positions, then around 10% of employees, shortly after the lawsuit was announced. The primary Binance entity also fired more than 1,000 people in July.

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